Vulnerability – the emotion we feel during times of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure

~2 minute read.

I wrote this a few weeks ago, on Monday, March 23 …

So here I am. At the airport, on my way to Europe.
Not for a holiday. Not for work.
But to care for a good friend after surgery.

The decision itself was easy.
But once the tickets were booked, something shifted.

An unease. A quiet disquiet.
I couldn’t quite name it, but it was enough to keep me awake.

Friends have been incredibly generous.
“You’re a good friend” has been said to me many times.

And while I know this says more about me than them,
I also noticed something else creeping in …
A question I could hear, whether it was spoken or not: “Why you?”

And all of that added to the feeling.

So what is that emotion?
As I sit here at the airport, I can name it now:
vulnerability.

What if I’m a bad carer?
What if I’m tired … and grumpy (those two feelings tend to go hand-in-hand for me)?
What if I’m not what my friend needs?

I spoke to her about this.
She reassured me that simply being there – keeping her company, making a cup of tea – already makes me a good friend.
Others have said the same.

And still I feel it.

There’s the uncertainty of being in a new place.
And while I love exploring the world, this trip will be different.
No sightseeing, but caring.

Although, there is still curiosity …
About where I’ll be,
About the rhythm we’ll find,
About the daily walks with her dog,
There’s risk too.
That I won’t know what to do.
That I won’t anticipate what she needs.

I’ve told her she’ll need to ask for help,
something she admits doesn’t come naturally,
but she’s definitely willing to try.

And then there’s the emotional exposure.
Trusting that I can meet whatever shows up for me,
as I step into the uncertainty and the risk.

And yet, alongside the vulnerability, there is anticipation.
Because time with this friend has always meant connection, exploration, laughter and care.

And there’s that word again – care.
I’ve done this before.
I can do it again.

Which brings me back to where my work on courage began all those years ago.
I say this often to others,
and in pausing now to reflect, I’m reminded it’s true for me too:

We all have courage within,
We just need a light shone on it.
A moment to stop,
To reflect,
And to believe.

I’m quite surprised to land here in this reflection.
But it’s put a smile on my face.

And those butterflies?
They’re still there, but now they’re all flying in the same direction.

I can’t wait to get there and care.

And I know I don’t do this alone.
The unwavering love, support, and encouragement from Geoff, Maggie, and Jake make this possible.
They are firmly in my square squad.

And that’s the work …
Not removing vulnerability, but choosing to move with it.

By the way, I’m back now,
So deeply grateful for every moment shared with a very special friend.
Reminded that stepping toward vulnerability often leads to something deeply meaningful.

Dina
(aka @CourageChick)